I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
