One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
