we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
