I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
