God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
