grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
