and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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