There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
