Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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