so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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