Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
