you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
