I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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