Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
