is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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