The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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