wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
