Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
