I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
