I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
