Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
