i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
