Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
