Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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