shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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