so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
