..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
