I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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