He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
