In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
