Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
