It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
