then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
