We won't sleep together?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
