his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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