guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
