Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
