there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
