there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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