You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
