so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
