Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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