I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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