What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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