You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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