if i can run in heels then i can drive
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
