Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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