is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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