I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
