I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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