It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
