Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
