i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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