I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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