It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
