i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
