why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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